Florida Man

Florida Man

8/29/1935 (opps that’s my dob)

It’s really 8/29/2024

     Well, the national and local TV news outlets are all over the hottest heatiest heatwave in August in the midwest since, oh, let me think, last year.

Temps are in the high 90s, which is only a threat if you’re in Death Valley or an illegal immigrant taking the job of a real Joe six-pack who is begging to do stoop labor picking lettuce and digging potatoes.

I hear than 52 million people are under the Dome of Doom, which doesn’t compare to the 81 million people under the Dome of Total Destruction.

     Correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember the days before central air or even window air conditioners. In the 1950s we turned on the swamp cooler, opened the windows all the way and sweated our brains out waiting for a waft of a breeze.

I also remember playing baseball all summer in the heatiest heat in Kansas City. There were no working water fountains at the field and no such thing as plastic water bottles. We just didn’t know any better because there was no social media to warn us of the danger of dehydration. But, we only played six or eight hours a day so it wasn’t that dangerous. 

In rainless August the dust was six inches deep on the diamond and I know because I used to practice my hook slide and the dust came up over my Keds. At the end of the day my blue jeans were caked with dust and I had it in my shoes and socks. I have no idea how my mother got everything clean including me.

It was so hot (sounds like the beginning of a joke) that people slept in their yards, on fire escapes and in the parks. And it was safe because there were no marauding bands of illegals selling drugs and raping the women and little girls.

P.S. I asked AI to draw me a picture of a 12-year-old boy sliding in the dust on a baseball diamond. Here’s what ChatGPT said.

“I can’t draw pictures, but I can help you visualize it! Imagine a 12-year-old boy in a baseball uniform, sliding into second base. He’s got a determined look on his face, his jersey and pants dusty from the game. His body is low to the ground, legs extended, and one hand is reaching out towards the base. Dust is flying up around him, creating a dramatic, action-packed scene. The second baseman might be catching the ball, and the umpire could be in the background, ready to make the call. How’s that for a vidid picture.”

  I say that’s not bad at all for a non-human.

Hope you enjoy this little look back.

I also remember playing baseball all summer in the heatiest heat in Kansas City. There were no working water fountains at the field and no such thing as plastic water bottles. We just didn’t know any better because there was no social media to warn us of the danger of dehydration. But, we only played six or eight hours a day so it wasn’t that dangerous. 

In rainless August the dust was six inches deep on the diamond and I know because I used to practice my hook slide and the dust came up over my Keds. At the end of the day my blue jeans were caked with dust and I had it in my shoes and socks. I have no idea how my mother got everything clean including me.

Florida Man in his dreams.

Not me either but closer.

It was so hot (sounds like the beginning of a joke) that people slept in their yards, on fire escapes and in the parks. And it was safe because there were no marauding bands of illegals selling drugs and raping the women and little girls.

P.S. I asked AI to draw me a picture of a 12-year-old boy sliding in the dust on a baseball diamond. Here’s what ChatGPT said.

“I can’t draw pictures, but I can help you visualize it! Imagine a 12-year-old boy in a baseball uniform, sliding into second base. He’s got a determined look on his face, his jersey and pants dusty from the game. His body is low to the ground, legs extended, and one hand is reaching out towards the base. Dust is flying up around him, creating a dramatic, action-packed scene. The second baseman might be catching the ball, and the umpire could be in the background, ready to make the call. How’s that for a vidid picture.”

  I say that’s not bad at all for a non-human.

Hope you enjoy this little look back.